We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
