He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
