Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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