He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
