cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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