let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize