i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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