pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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