Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
