Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
