I think im going to throw up on grandma
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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