The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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