There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
