yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
