I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
