ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
