Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
