I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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