He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize