party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
