well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
