so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
