I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
