she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
