My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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