I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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