someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
