Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
