I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
