You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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