yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
