I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize