; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
