I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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