I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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