I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
