Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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