A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
