I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
