i need an iv and a liver transplant
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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