i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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