Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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