I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize