It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
