he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
