You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
