He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
