I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
