my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
