i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
