And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
