"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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