Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
