I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
