Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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