we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
