I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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