Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
