the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
