There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
