Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are my feet made of real feet?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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