Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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