just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
